I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
