he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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