I want to have your abortion
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
