You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
