Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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