moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
