Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
