i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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