I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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