We're like a lot better than the average bears
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
