Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
