I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
