Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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