i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
