my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
