i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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