there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
