Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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