I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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