Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
