ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
