Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
