I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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