she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
