My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
