I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
