Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
