I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
