the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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