So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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