Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
