She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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