I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
