i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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