She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
