I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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