She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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