ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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