I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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