yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
