thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
