I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
