Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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