So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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