So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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