Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
3pm strippers are depressing
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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