my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Success! We fucked roommates!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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