So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
try to milk me bitch
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