I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
