dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
