If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
