I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
