member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
